


The Corpse Penguin

by Inkfowl



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: (kind of), Alternate Universe - Corpse Bride (2005), Inspired by Corpse Bride (2005), M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27312130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkfowl/pseuds/Inkfowl
Summary: It's basically just Corpse Bride but make it nygmobs.  That's it, that's the story.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 41
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

Edward sat at his desk and dipped his quill in ink. He had to add a quick detail to his drawing. He wouldn’t consider himself an artist by any means, but the diagram before him was as accurate as could be. He sat back proudly and looked up at his patient model.

A beautiful blue butterfly sat under a glass lid. Edward tenderly touched the glass and smiled. He always grew close to his subjects, and so far this one had been his favorite. However, he knew their time together was fleeting, it always was, so he stood up with a sigh. He lifted the lid and expected the butterfly to dart out the window, but instead it lingered.

The butterfly fluttered around his room, and even circled his head before heading off into the world. Edward leaned out his window, following his friend’s movement until the brilliant blue wings vanished in the grey town.

It was a grey day in this grey town, but then again Gotham had always been this way. Edward couldn’t remember the last time the clouds had parted to give the city some color. What he wouldn’t give to see some greens, reds, blues, purples…

There was a knock at his door, and he could already hear his parent’s carrying on about the rehearsal today. Edward sighed and closed his window. There would be no bright fantasies today. Today was going to be the greyest of them all.

His parents were still prattling about ‘what a glorious day for a wedding’ it was when he got into the carriage. Then they went over  _ The Plan _ again. Edward was to marry the young lady across the street. He only knew her name: Isabella Flynn, and that her family was practically royalty around here...but in desperate need of his family’s funds. He’d never heard much about her, seen her, or talked to her; but his parents seemed to think that was ‘in their favor’.

Edward lowered his head at that. He always believed love should stem from communicating, and connecting with another person. Although...in this case, his parents might be right, it’s probably better Isabella didn’t know him. She should be marrying some handsome, well-spoken Lord or something, so at least this way she could keep her dream of a charming prince alive a little longer...until she had to rehearse a lifetime of disappointment with Edward.

A slap on his bony knee brought him back. He looked at his father.

“The ring?”

“Hm?” Edward blinked. “Oh! Oh yes, I have it around here.” He patted his dull green suit until he found the correct pocket. “Here it is!”

His father nudged his mother. “See?  _ I _ made sure he was prepared.”

She huffed. “Please, it doesn’t mean anything. He’ll probably lose it before we even get inside. Now Edward, one more time, do you know what to do?”

“Yes. Stand straight, stay quiet.”

“Good. This is our family’s chance at getting into Gotham’s high society. So everything must go…”

It took Edward a moment before realizing he should respond. “A-According to plan.”

“That’s right!” She wagged her finger for emphasis. “Everything, every last little thing, every single tiny microscopic little thing must go according to plan.”

By the time she finished her redundant speech, they arrived at the Flynn mansion. Edward’s mother was fussing over him until the butler opened the door. Lord and Lady Flynn stood on the stairs and they were...austere to say the least. Both of them had deep red hair, thick rimmed glasses, and a frown. They almost looked more like siblings than husband and wife, but Edward would never say such a thing.

The foyer was deathly silent for a few moments as both families got a look at the other, and then the Flynns both forced a smile. Lord Flynn nodded.

“Well hello, what a pleasure. Welcome to our home.”

Lady Flynn shook her head at her husband’s sarcasm. “Yes. We’ll be having tea in the drawing room to discuss…” she spared a disapproving glare at Edward, “ _ plans _ . Please, follow.”

The couples headed down a hallway, and Edward started to follow, but then his feet just couldn’t carry him anymore. Why should he go and sit and listen while people talked about his future right over his head? He considered just running out the door, but as he turned to look for an exit, he spotted a grand piano. He hadn’t played in ages. Mother and Father didn’t approve of his love for music. Then again they didn’t approve of much.

Edward checked the halls to make sure everyone was gone before approaching the keys. He ran his fingers over the perfect ivories. Rich people. He lightly pressed a few keys to make sure it was in tune. He glanced around again, and then sat down. The song started slow and soft, but it was Edward’s favorite, it was the only one he had truly memorized.

As he played, he would look at the tiny, sad, flower on the piano. It wasn’t much of an audience, but it was probably better than most. He knew it was silly, but he imagined his music could give the plant a new life. If only he played well enough, it could grow and grow after he was gone.

Edward glanced at the bone white keys again, his fingers almost blended in. He started to crack a smile as he reached a high point in the song. That’s when he saw  _ her _ , standing right over his shoulder.

He smashed the keys and knocked over the bench in his haste to stand up. The little flower almost tumbled to the ground too, but he caught it at the last moment.

“D-Do forgive me.” He could barely meet her eyes.

“You play beautifully.”

Edward barely even registered her words as he kept stammering. “I-I I do apologize Ms. Flynn. How rude of me to…”

He let his sentence trail off while fixing the piano bench. This was his first real look at her, and he couldn’t believe his eyes. With white hair and no spectacles, she looked nothing like her family, which was certainly a good thing.

She clasped her hand behind her back. “Mother won’t let me near the piano. She says music’s  _ improper _ for a young lady.”

Edward scoffed. “Funny, my parents find it improper for a young man. Uh...no, I mean...Ms. Flynn I-”

She took a step forward. “Perhaps, in view of the circumstances, you could call me...Isabella.”

“Y-Yes, of course.” He nervously fiddled with his tie, and then figured she expected him to  _ say _ it. “Isabella.”

Isabella smiled and took another step forward. “Yes...Edward?”

He didn’t plan on making this a conversation! He had nothing to talk with her about except… “So...t-t-omorrow we are...are to be m-m-m-”

“Married.” If Isabella hadn’t interjected, he might’ve strangled himself by twisting his tie so much. “Since i was a child I’ve dreamed of my wedding day. I’d always hoped to find someone I was deeply in love with. Someone to spend the rest of my life with.”

Edward could hear the sorrow in her voice. He shared the same sentiments. Even though he’d never thought about getting married, he wanted a partner to share his interests with, and who could share theirs with him. Someone who could slow down every second and make it into a blissful eternity. Lost in his own fantasy, he barely heard Isabella.

“Silly, isn’t it?”

“Hm, yes, silly.” Upon hearing the words out of his own mouth, the world crashed around him. “Oh, no! No, not at all.”

He rushed to sit next to her, once again bumping the flower over. There was no way to catch it this time and the poor thing fell to the floor. Oh well, nothing lasts forever. Isabella didn’t seem to mind though, and she gently picked it up. Edward stammered through some apology, but he was stopped when Isabella tucked the flower into his breast pocket. He looked at it, and then to her. He didn’t really want it, it’s wilted petals would only remind him of his own failures and fragility, but he couldn’t really say that if things were to go according to plan.

Edward smiled politely. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I only wish we had more flowers, I could’ve made you a necklace.”

“Oh?”

“It’s about the only talent I have.” She chuckled. “I used to make them for my friends when-”

Lady Flynn’s harsh voice cut through the foyer. “What impropriety is this? You two aren’t supposed to be alone together, you’re supposed to be at the rehearsal!”

Edward’s father appeared to grab his son by the elbow and drag him along with the others to the rehearsal room. Forced to the front of a makeshift aisle, Edward stood beside Isabella.

* * *

He would continue to stand there for three hours. He could never get the steps right, he always forgot the words, and his candle would never light. When he finally got a flame, the doors to the room burst open and a gust blew it out. Edward sighed at his candlestick, and then joined everyone in turning to see who came in.

A tall, older gentleman with dark brown hair, a dark suit, and darker eyes strode in. The heels of his dress shoes clicked across the tile and he wore a smile that was almost as slick as his hair.

“I haven’t a head for dates, apparently I’m a day early for the ceremony.” A chair suddenly appeared in time for him to sit down next to the Flynns.

Mr. Flynn cleared his throat, looking over the stranger. “Well, if you’d had your invitation, you would’ve known Mr….”

“ _ Lord _ Galavan. Theo Galavan.” His smile never dimmed. “Mr.? What a jokester you are, I almost thought you didn’t know who I was.”

Then he turned that wicked grin on Edward. “I’m sorry for the interruption, do continue.”

As if Edward hadn’t been nervous enough. Now the air in the room suddenly felt that much heavier, and those dark eyes seemed to cut into his soul. Edward swallowed hard and tried to continue.  _ Tried _ .

He held his candle in the wrong hand, he miscounted the steps, and as he fumbled to recover the priest muttered.

“What? Do you not wish to be married?”

“No.” Edward blurted out.

Isabella tilted her head. “You do not?”

“No!” Now he even had Isabella to defend against. “I meant ‘no, I do not  **not** wish to be married’...which means I very much-”

He received a smack on the head by the priest’s cane. “Pay attention!”

Edward thought he’d been paying plenty of attention, but those harsh words made him even more self-conscious. So self-conscious that those two words led to his downfall. Worse than any misspoken vow, or misstep...Edward ruined everything.

He dropped the ring under Mrs. Flynn’s skirt...while holding the candle, and the dress quickly caught fire. He took his mother’s fan to blow it away, and only remembered afterwards that adding oxygen was a bad idea. Everyone else in the room was running and panicking as Edward only made things worse and worse until Theo calmly pushed him aside and dumped the ceremonial wine onto the flame. In the moment of silence, Theo shot a look at Edward. Then the entire room turned on him.

The priest was the only one to move, stalking closer and closer to Edward with each word. “Young man, learn...your... _ vows _ .”

Under all the scrutiny, Edward caved in on himself and backed away. His back hit the door, and on top of everything, he couldn’t even open it properly. His hand fumbled around and he wanted to cry as he threw it open and dashed into the hall. He heard that Galavan mutter as he left.

“Well, he’s quite the  **catch** , isn’t he?”

* * *

The anxiety that had built in his chest was transformed into energy as he ran and ran through town. Eventually tears did roll down his cheeks when he crossed Gotham’s bridge. He wouldn’t be judged here. The forest didn’t care if he knew his lines, or that he was getting married, or that he was a huge disappointment to every living being. He wrapped his arms around himself and started wandering into the trees.

He didn’t know how long he walked until he came to rest on a stump and look around. Through the trees on one side he caught a glimpse of Gotham’s bay, the sound of the water barely audible. It was dark, but surprisingly not as dark as the city. At least out here he could actually see the moonlight. Gotham might as well be underground for all its citizens knew, their lives were lit by lanterns that overtook any real brightness.

Edward closed his eyes. He’d rather be underground than be forced to return to the city. He couldn’t face any of them again, and he really didn’t want to. He folded his hands over his chest, and that’s when he felt the flower still in his pocket. He opened his eyes and plucked out the flower. Maybe Isabella...he’d  _ maybe _ want to face Isabella. Except...he’d have to marry her if he ever saw her again, and…

Edward sighed. He didn’t want to get married, at least...not like this. He didn’t mind Isabella, she seemed nice, but he hasn’t even known her a day. He wanted to get to know her, to be her friend, and then maybe  _ maybe _ they’d fall for each other. But that wasn’t the plan. Still, turning the flower over in his hand, she was the best he could hope for, and he didn’t want to let another person down.

With a somewhat revitalized attitude, Edward prepared to correct his vows. He wasn’t going to fail Isabella. She was a sweet girl, and if she was going to be stuck with him, he might as well do right by her. Pretending the trees and stumps were her parents, his parents, his  _ audience _ , he launched into those sacred words.

“With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.” Getting caught up in it, he broke off a branch for a prop. “With this candle, I will light your way in darkness.”

He smiled confidently, only one more to go. As if the universe supported him, he spied a slim twig in the snow, and knelt beside it. “With this ring...I ask you to be mine.”

The gold ring slid perfectly onto the wood, and Edward felt relief wash over him. He’d done it. He’d actually done it! He could march back into Gotham with his head held high and show them all that he, Edward Nygma, could-

His celebration was cut short when a crow flew overhead, squawking loudly. He looked up into the trees and saw his attacker...as well as several of his friends. What Edward had mistaken for leaves earlier were actually terrifying black birds. Rows upon rows, branches upon branches of birds sitting quietly...almost patiently.

Suddenly, Edward felt a grip on his wrist, and before he could react his arm was pulled into the ground.

All his gasps and struggles were drowned out by the birds above him squawking at once. He managed to get his arm out of the dirt, yanking and yanking on his sleeve until he fell backwards into the snow. There was still something on his wrist, and when he went to remove the twig...he saw it was no twig.

An arm. An  _ arm _ was holding onto him, or...what was left of an arm. The bony fingers tightened their grip, and that seemed to snap Edward out of his stupor. He shook and shook until the demonic hand was flung off. That wasn’t the worst of his troubles though.

Just as he shook the hand...the earth began to rumble. Then, right from where the first arm came...another emerged and clawed at the ground. This one still had some meat on it, which Edward couldn’t tell if that was more or less horrifying. He didn’t ponder it long because following the second arm was a head, and a neck, and a torso, and…

Edward’s eyes were wide as he continued to watch the figure rise from the earth. It stood before him in a lavish suit, or well, lavish at one time. Now, the purple tailcoat was torn and frayed, as were the tailored black slacks which were ripped up on an entire side; there were also bits of seaweed and water stains. Through the holes and damage, Edward could see bits of bone and rotting flesh. The creature’s face was hidden behind shaggy black bangs. Then, like lifting a veil, it used its hand to brush the hair away.

Expecting a maggot ridden monster or demon, Edward was surprised to see the face of a man. Even with the damage of decomposition, it was clear that the man must have had handsome features at some point. Presently, one sharp cheek had a hole in it, and there was only half of a hooked nose, but his blue eyes were perfectly intact.

Whether hypnotized or paralyzed, Edward could do nothing but stare with his mouth agape. The corpse fluttered its lashes and spoke.

“I do.”

It started to reach out for him, and that’s when Edward’s adrenaline finally kicked in. He skittered backwards before scrambling to his feet. He took off like a flash into the woods, hoping he was heading in the right direction. Roots snagged at his feet, and branches tore his suit, but he pressed on. However, his clumsy long legs kept getting in the way of each other and he tumbled down a small hill into a cemetary. How fitting.

He looked up and saw his pursuer standing at the top, framed by the moon and appearing even more ghastly than before. Edward used a gravestone to force himself up and keep running. He glanced back to see the creature had no issue following him. He glanced back again and again until he ran into a tree.

Clutching his head, he got all turned around until he realized he was  **facing** the corpse...or two, or three. His fractured glasses were to blame for this new nightmare, but he wasn’t going to let it stop him. He ran full force...into the tree again, but then he was on his way.

Until he tripped down another hill and skidded halfway across a frozen stream. Even God must hate him. Edward struggled to stand, and then his feet couldn’t find purchase anyway. He ran and ran, but went nowhere. Stealing a quick look over his shoulder, he saw that the bony hand was almost upon him.

Taking a risk, he actually grabbed the wrist and pulled. Spinning the two of them around, Edward found the propulsion he needed to scramble onto the back while leaving his stalker on the ice. He allowed himself a winning smile as he ran, but karma had other plans. He was tripped up by yet another hill. Except this one was much bigger, and he rolled and somersaulted all the way to the bottom; and probably hit every rock and branch on the way down.

However, when he managed to lift his head, Edward saw the glow of Gotham city. So close, he was so close. All he had to do was cross the bridge and he’d be able to find sanctuary in the church on the other side. Getting to his feet, Edward sprinted towards the end. Then came a cry from the skies, and he only made it halfway across the bridge before he had to duck beneath a swarm of birds. But then...it was over.

Edward shakily straightened up and looked all around. He was breathing heavy as he scanned the area. Yet there was nothing. No corpse, no birds, no more hills...just the forest on one side and the church on the other. Although, even after his harrowing night, he couldn’t tell which side was more intimidating. Still, the quiet was comforting, and Edward let out a huge sigh of relief. He chuckled a few times, knowing that no one would ever believe him. In fact, he was starting to doubt it himself. The dead don’t just rise out of the ground and chase people.

Edward shook his head and muttered. “What an extreme case of pre-wedding jitters.”

“I’ll say.”

The voice made Edward’s blood freeze, and he whipped around to see those bright blue eyes again. The corpse stepped forward and Edward realized he had no escape, he was pressed against the bridge. The pale hands settled on his shoulders, and the thing smiled, just a bit.

“Now...you may  _ kiss the groom _ .”

The sound of crows erupted around them again as the corpse leaned in. The last thing Edward remembered was the press of cold lips against his own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where things start to diverge more from the movie. I'm also not a songwriter by any means so hopefully the shadow puppets do a better explanation than my "lyrics" haha

There was the clinking of glasses, maybe a piano, and then some voices muddled inside Edward’s brain as he slowly regained consciousness.

“A new arrival!”

“Poor dear, he must’ve fainted.”  _ That _ one he recognized.

Edward’s eyelids blinked open and there was the face of the corpse. It was much less terrifying this time, and looked genuinely concerned. It put a hand behind his head. “Are you alright?”

Edward found the will to speak. “W-Who...W-Where...?”

A skeleton in a newspaper top hat came into view. “By Joe, it looks like we got ourselves a breather! Olga get over here!”

He was pushed aside by Olga, a big lady with a thick russian accent. “Move Jervis! Ooo, does he have a dead brother?”

Next, a small boy poked at Edward with a pencil before jotting down. “He’s still soft!”

Edward crawled away from them all, hitting what appeared to be a bar, and used it to push himself up. A nearby corpse, with a ponytail and a whip around her neck, raised a glass.

“A toast,” She clinked it with a large man who had a fake hand, “to the newlyweds!”

To Edward, the most startling thing out of this whole scene was that last word. “Newlyweds?”

The well dressed corpse took his hand and sighed romantically. “Oh, in the woods, you said your vows  _ so _ perfectly.”

Sure enough, there on the bony finger, was his ring. “I did?” Panic set in. “I  _ did _ …”

Edward slammed his head against the bar. “Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

This had to be a nightmare. This whole night had to be one long nightmare. He probably fell asleep in the woods, or...or something! He raised his head when he felt a tap on his shoulder and saw a skeleton dressed like a butler.

“Allow me to introduce myself, Alfred Pennyworth, first class bodyguard, butler, and personal wedding chef for you and Oswald.”

Oswald? That must be… As Ed turned around, one of Oswald’s blue eyes popped out to reveal a little maggot with a bowtie.

“Ooo, Alfred’s cooking?”

Oswald used a bony hand to shove the bug back in. “Oh hush Penn.” Then he caught Edward’s stare and giggled nervously. “Maggots, ha ha.”

Edward backed away, until he bumped into the Whip Lady. Thinking quickly, but not clearly, he grabbed the handle of the whip and yanked. The lady came with it, and she fell to the floor.

“Gah! Asshole!”

The man with the fake hand helped her up. “Tabby, are you okay?”

“Been better, Butch.” They both glared at Edward.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Edward managed to free the whip after that, and even though he didn’t know how to use it, he hoped he looked threatening. “Now, I want questions!”

Everyone in the bar tilted their heads. Alfred perked up from the bar. “Answers, I think you mean answers.”

“Thank you, yes answers. I need answers! What’s going on? Where am I?  **Who are you?** ”

Everyone stared and then Oswald straightened his jacket. “Well, that’s kind of a long story.”

Before Edward could say anything else, a new voice joined the conversation. “What a story it is…”

A spotlight came out of nowhere and landed on a corpse in the corner of the room. What was left of his skin was covered in tally marks. He stood under a banner that said ‘Zsasz Band: Performing Dead Tonight and Every Night”.

“A tragic tale of romance, passion...and a murder most foul.” Zsasz tipped his head, and another spotlight showed up to reveal a bunch of skeletons dressed like gangsters. “Hit it boys.”

With a name like ‘Zsasz Band’, and given the overall mood of the place, Edward expected some jaunty jazz. Instead, the place came alive with disco music.

“ Hey! Give me a listen, you corpses of cheer. 'Least those of you who still got an ear. I'll tell you a story, fill you with gloom. Of our own jubiliciously lovely corpse groom!”

As the rainbow colored disco light filled the room, Edward swore he was going insane, he saw a few particular colors morph into the shapes of people on the way. The purple light was shaped like Oswald, a yellow light looked like an old lady, and the red light was a man Edward almost recognized.

“Well, our boy was a beauty known for miles around. Loved his dear mother and ev’ryone in town. A sickness came comin’, real quick and fast, and his poor little mama well she wouldn’t last. Then a stranger in town said he could help ‘em. Little’d they know he only came for a sum.”

While Zsasz sang and danced, the light figures began to move. Oswald with his mother as she grew ill, and then the red man showing up holding a bottle full of dollar signs.

“So they drew up a pact, no pay til he’s done. That’s when the man, went after the son. Now the mother’s health would put her in a grave, so the boy ex-changed his hand for a save.”

The light puppets signed a contract, and then man was seen by the mother’s bedside; but he was checking his watch as the dollar signs around him faded. Then he turned into a red snake that wrapped itself around Oswald’s purple figure.

“They needed a few things, or so I’m told. Like the family jewels and a satchel of gold. Then out on that long pier, by the watery sea, on a dark foggy night at a quarter to three, our boy was ready to go, but where was he...?”

The colored lights showed the pier, with the purple Oswald on the end. Even though it didn’t have a face, Edward thought it looked sad, just staring at the water. Edward’s observation was interrupted by a group of bar patrons crowding around him, all singing along.

“And then?”

Zsasz slowly strutted across the stage. “He waited.”

“And then?”

“There in the fog, was it the man?” A red glow started to surround the purple figure.

“And then?”

“His scared little heart beat so loud.”

“And then?”

“And then baby, everything,” the red light finally morphed into a person, “went,” the red man stalked towards Oswald, “black.”

Just as the red man shoved Oswald off the pier, all the lights in the bar went out suddenly. It made Edward jump, but the next second a spotlight hit Zsasz. On the wall next to him, the light tableau was still playing out.

“Now when he opened his eyes he was dead as dust. His jewels were missin' and his heart was bust.” Oswald’s purple body was shown washed up near a spot that was now familiar to Edward. And that’s the last image Edward saw because Zsasz popped up right in front of him.

“So he made a vow lyin' under that hedge. That he'd wait for his true love to come get revenge!” Zsasz grabbed Edward’s shoulders and pushed him backward. “Always waiting for someone to ask for his hand. When out of the blue comes this groovy young man.”

Edward fell back and found himself in Oswald’s arms. Edward gasped, but Oswald just smiled at him and pulled him into the dance. They spun around while Zsasz finished singing.

“Who vows forever to stay in his room,” Zsasz winked and then broke into an electric slide, “and that's the story of our corpse groom!”

The music crescendoed as all the patrons danced and sang to the groovy music. Butch happened to knock into Oswald, causing him arm to break off again...and giving Edward a chance to escape. Sneaking under pointed fingers and swaying hips, Edward ran through the first available door.

* * *

This...this place was an entire town! Colorful buildings and fountains and even foliage! Edward had no time to take in the scenery though, and ducked into an alley as he heard Oswald’s voice.

“Edward! Edward! Edward, where have you gone?”

Edward peeked around the edge in time to see that maggot, Penn was it, pop out of Oswald’s eye again.

“No offense sir, but this boyfriend of yours is...a little too jumpy in my opinion.”

“Please, he’s not my boyfriend!” Oswald held up his left hand. “He’s my husband. Besides, I didn’t ask for your  _ opinion _ . So if you want to do something useful, keep your two good eyes out for him.”

Edward hoped to sneak away while the two were talking.

“Well three eyes are better than- There he goes! He’s getting away!”

Cursing his luck, Edward burst into a full sprint as he heard Oswald behind him. “Edward! Edward, where  _ are _ you?”

Dashing through alleys and stalls, Edward finally found a perfect hiding place. He jumped into a display of coffins and played dead. Cracking open his eye, he almost gasped when he saw Oswald standing right in front of him. Thankfully the corpse still looked confused.

“Edward? Oh come on Edward, where have you gone?”

Once Oswald left his field of vision, Edward let out that breath he was holding. Then a woman’s voice whispered in his ear.

“Married huh? I was engaged once, couldn’t follow through, not for me. No one can tie Barbara Kean down, you know?”

Edward whipped around to see a spider dangling beside him. Panicking, he slapped it and took off. Her voice still rang in his ear.

“Ozzy dear, he went  **that** way!”

Oh great. Sure enough, Oswald was after him again. “Edward! Edward, darling!”

To make matters worse, no one around seemed to care that he was running for his life. And then...of all the things...he encountered a dead end. If he wasn’t so scared, he might’ve laughed at that thought, but instead he had to press on. Edward was by no means athletic, but he’d climbed partway up a mountain before, so climbing a wall couldn’t be that much different.

When it felt like his limbs would give out, Edward reached the top and pulled himself onto a landing. He laid on his back and closed his eyes, catching his breath. When he finally opened his eyes, he found a pair of blue ones staring down at him.

“You could’ve used the stairs silly.”

Oswald pulled him to his feet and sighed. “Although I understand why you’d want to come up here. The view is  _ beautiful _ .”

Edward followed Oswald’s gesture to gaze out at the city. Being caught, Edward found no downside to taking in the view this time. It really was beautiful, well...despite the fact that all the people were dead, but that was a minor detail.

Oswald put his head on Edward’s shoulder. “Isn’t it romantic?”

“Y-Yeah, it...it kind of is.”

“Oh, it just takes my breath away.” Then he chuckled. “Well, it  _ would _ if I had any.”

He slipped away from Edward and gracefully sat down on a bench. He patted the seat next to him. Edward glanced from the bench to the stairs, but instead of running, he chose to stay. As soon as he sat down, Oswald scooted closer to him.

Edward struggled to find his words. “Look, I’m terribly sorry about what’s happened to you, a-and I’d  _ like _ to help, but...I really need to get home.”

“This is your home now” Oswald gestured to a grand house behind them. “It’s almost an exact replica of the Van Dahl mansion.”

“But I-”

“Oh! I should give you the tour!” Oswald jumped up excitedly. “You’re going to love it!”

“I-I…”

Then Edward found himself being dragged along. Too tired and confused to put up a fight, he decided he might as well go with this. As he followed Oswald into the house, he saw the man’s bony leg caused him to walk with a limp. Edward hadn’t noticed before...probably because he spent so much time running away. A little bit of guilt gnawed at him, thinking about forcing Oswald to chase him with that bad leg. Although, Oswald didn’t seem the least bit upset with him, for the running, the screaming, any of it. Having someone with that kind of patience...it was a nice change of pace. It was also nice to see someone so... _ passionate _ .

Oswald was very animated as he showed room after room. Drawing room, billiard room, dining room, and Edward’s personal favorite - the library. The shelves were full, and even spilled out onto desks and into stacks. Edward could spend every day in here and it still wouldn’t be enough.

He pulled out a rather large tome and flipped through a few pages. “This collection is incredible.”

“Is it?” Oswald peered over his shoulder. “I mostly stick to the fiction side of the library, but now both sides could get some use.”

That last part reminded Edward of his current situation. He put the book back with a gentle sigh. “Right, about that...I would love to stay and read all day, but-”

“But we should be moving along, you’re absolutely right.” Oswald smiled and turned to leave.

Edward put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Uh, that’s...not quite what I meant.”

Oswald tilted his head so Edward pursed his lips. “C-Can we sit and-?”

“Oh, of course!” Oswald smacked his head and giggled. “Gee, silly me. You’re probably still tired and here I am rushing you around and blathering on. Come, sit.”

Oswald led them to a loveseat by an empty fireplace. “Now, what would you like to talk about, dear?”

Oswald looked at Edward with such interest, giving his full attention. Edward swallowed hard. “Um...well...I’d like to start by saying that you have a lovely home-”

“ _ We _ have a lovely home.”

“Y-Yes, but...I also have  _ another _ home. One I should get back to.”

For a moment Oswald blinked, but then he put a few fingers over his mouth in a tiny gasp. “Oh. Oh,  _ that _ home. The one,” he pointed up, “ _ upstairs _ .”

“Yes. So, you see, I can’t stay here...with you.”

“But why not?”

“Well...I…” Edward shrugged. “Well for one thing I don’t even know who you are.”

“What are you talking about? You heard the song.”

“Yes, I heard the song, but...I still don’t know  _ you _ . I’m not even sure about your name.”

Oswald opened his mouth, and then closed it. He pursed his lips for a moment and then stuck out his hand. “Oswald Chesterfield Van Dahl Cobblepot. Or should I say, Oswald Chesterfield Van Dahl Cobblepot…”

Edward waited for a second, but hearing no continuation, he awkwardly shook the bony hand. “Uh, Edward Nygma.”

“...Cobblepot-Nygma.” Oswald smiled and then sighed. “Woo, that’s a mouthful. Good thing I don’t have to stop to take a breath.”

It was odd to hear the last names together, but Edward chuckled. “That...yes, t-that is a lot of names you have.”

“Try saying all that three times fast, am I right?” Oswald lightly elbowed him. “So, introductions out of the way, what else do you want to know?”

“Um...hm. Hm, maybe...w-what was your childhood like?”

“Oh it was wonderful! Spoiled, I know that, my parents spoiled me rotten, but it was wonderful.”

“Your  _ parents _ ? The uh...the song only mentioned a mother.”

“Ah yes, my father didn’t make it into the song because Lord Elijah Van Dahl wasn’t in the picture at that point.”

“Oh. Did...did he leave you and your mother?”

“What? Oh, no no no! He just died. He’s...he’s very dead.” The room was silent for a second and then Oswald perked up. “Speaking of, you should meet him!”

“But you said…” Edward remembered where he was. “Right. Land of the dead.”

“Mhm! I’m sure he’ll be so happy-” Oswald snapped his fingers. “Drat, I forgot, he’s on vacation right now! Ugh, I can’t believe he missed me getting married!”

“Wait...v-vacation?”

“Oh yes, he likes to visit a lot of different cemeteries around the world.”

“That’s...that’s a thing you can do?”

“Sure! Cemeteries down here are just like towns up there. My father and I try to visit family in Hungary often.”

“Huh.” Edward mumbled. “I’ve...always wanted to see Hungary.”

Oswald smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. “Then we’ll have to go sometime! You can meet my entire family too. Although I must warn you, when you visit they like to spend almost every day together.”

“Really?” Edward raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t imagine spending an entire day with his parents, let alone extended family.

“Mhm, it can get a little tiring, even for the dead; but it’s still a lot of fun. We play games, go out on the town, and at night we gather around the piano to sing.”

“You sing?”

“Meh, well enough. Mother taught me, and then father taught me piano, they were excellent teachers.”

“Huh. My father doesn’t like me going near the piano.”

“What? Why ever not? Music is part of the soul!” Oswald stood up and twirled.

Edward scoffed. “Well apparently one shouldn’t have too much soul.”

“That’s ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous! Come, come on, come on let’s go.” Oswald offered both his hands.

With only the slightest hesitation, Edward took them. “W-What? Where?”

“You’re going to sit at a piano right now!”

“O-Oswald, no that’s not...that’s not necessary.” Despite himself, Edward smiled and turned red.

“Sh, sh sh sh! I won’t hear of it, come along.”

Oswald pulled him into another room, a magnificent ballroom. In the corner there was a grand piano. Oswald pulled out the bench and had Edward sit down.

“There! A perfect fit! Now, play me something.” Oswald smiled and threw up his hands. “Anything! Whatever your heart wants.”

Edward felt a little self-conscious, and he tentatively stretched his fingers over the keys. He started to play the same song from before.

Beside the piano, Oswald started to sway. Then he slowly began to dance around the empty room, humming and vocalizing along with the music. Edward looked up to watch him, he looked so... **alive** . Funny, this corpse was the most lively person Edward knew.

Every now and then their eyes would meet and Oswald would smile before Edward always glanced away. One time though, Edward actually held the gaze and when Oswald fluttered his lashes it felt like Edward’s heart stopped. He slipped and hit the wrong key.

“Oh! Oh I’m sorry, I-I…” Edward pulled his hands away.

Oswald glided over to the bench. “No need to apologize. That was beautiful Edward, positively beautiful.”

“T-Thank you.”

“So, what other hidden talents do you have?”

“Uh, I-I don’t really have any other talents, but...but I guess I like to cook a-and build things.”

“Ah, cooking and building, you must be very good with your hands. Although, not surprising,” Oswald put his hand over Edward’s, “you have very nice hands.”

“Oh, thank you. Y-You also have…” He glanced down, and so did Oswald. They both looked at the decomposition. Edward turned bright red. “Oh, oh uh...I-I...I didn’t mean…”

“It’s alright.” Oswald simply giggled. “Thank you.”

Now, with their hands to themselves, the newlyweds sat in silence. Edward stared at his lap. “So…”

Suddenly Oswald snapped his fingers. “I almost forgot! I got you something!” He stood up. “You stay here!”

He dashed away, his limp barely slowing him down. He stopped at the door to give Edward one last look. “I’ll be right back, darling!”

When the door shut, it echoed through the room. Edward sat for a moment before realizing he was alone again. He looked at the other door on the opposite side. He could make another run for it, and this time he might have a decent enough head start.

However, he didn’t even move. There wasn’t much of a point in running anymore. No matter where he went he was sure Oswald would find him. Besides, after the initial shock, he found Oswald’s company rather pleasant. Maybe it was just because Oswald was the first person who actually took the time to listen to him, but it was nice nonetheless.

Edward twiddled his thumbs a bit longer, and then the ballroom door was thrown open. Oswald waddled in with a huge box in his arms. “I’m back!”

He plopped the box on the piano bench and stood back proudly. “Go on, open it!”

Cautious, Edward reached for the lid. Suddenly the box shook. It stopped and Edward looked up at Oswald. Seeing how excited Oswald was, Edward took another stab at opening the box. He peeked under the lid and found something staring back at him.

Edward screamed and knocked the box to the floor. A ton of bones came spilling out, but then they started rearranging themselves to form…

“A penguin!” Oswald crouched down beside the animal. “We can change it if you want, but I named her Fish. It’s kind of funny don’t you think? Because penguins eat fish.”

It was still so surreal, but Edward slowly crawled onto the floor and held out his hand. The penguin dipped its head so it could be pet. Edward chuckled awkwardly as he scratched the penguin’s skull.

“You know for all the research I’ve done on them, I-I never thought I’d be...touching a penguin. Living or dead.”

“Me either. Well, not until I came here. Turns out you can find almost anything and everything you want around here.” Oswald stroked what used to be the flipper. “I’ve always loved penguins though, and now we have one as a pet.”

“A pet penguin.” Edward scoffed. “And I wasted so many years only wanting something as mundane as a dog.”

“Well we can get a dog too if you like! I love dogs! And cats! We can find whatever animal you want.”

Edward smiled uncontrollably. “Gee thanks, now I actually have to think about it! I go from not being allowed any pets to being offered a menagerie.”

Oswald gasped. “What? You didn’t have a pet? Not even a fish?”

Edward’s smile dimmed. “N-No. Well, I had a bird once, but...Mother and Father found out and then they…” He shook his head. “Anyway, pets weren’t allowed. Too messy, too loud...just like children.”

He was startled by a clattering on the floor. He looked up to see Oswald covering the bottom half of his face while picking something up. After some cracking and twisting, Oswald’s jaw was back in place. He casually opened and closed his mouth a few times to test the fit, and then shouted.

“They said  _ what _ ? How  _ dare  _ they! That’s it.” Oswald stood up. “You know what, you know what? I’m going to have a serious talk with your parents  **right** now.”

Edward wanted to laugh, thinking about how crazy it would be to have Oswald crawling out of the ground to lecture his parents...but then another thought hit him. Oswald  _ could _ do such a thing. He did it to chase Edward, so why not his parents? And  _ then _ Edward thought of another possibility. If Oswald could do that...maybe Edward could escape too…

Slowly, Edward got to his feet. “Well...if you  _ do _ go see my parents I...I think I should be there too.”

“Of course you can come! Did you really think I was going to leave you behind? You’re my husband, and we’re not going to let anyone get away with being so mean to you - past, present, or future.” Oswald put his hands on Edward’s shoulders. “Now, where are they buried?”

“Oh…” Edward pretended to be disappointed, “see here’s the thing...they’re not dead.”

“No? Well they should be.” Then Oswald dropped his hands. “Still, that complicates things.”

Edward shrugged. “It-It’s fine. It just would’ve been... _ therapeutic _ to see them get told off, you know, healing for me. But if we can’t do it, we can’t do it. I’ll just…” he sighed dramatically, “live with this heavy childhood trauma.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Oswald wavering. Edward also heard him whispering, along with Penn’s tiny voice.

“Look at him Penn! He looks sad, very cute, but very sad!”

“Sir, I just don’t think it’s worth it.”

“Worth it? He’s my  **husband** , I should be able to help him.”

“There’s just not much we can… Well maybe Hugo…”

“That’s it!” Oswald said that at a normal volume. Then he grabbed Edward’s arm. “Don’t you worry darling, I know just the person to get you the closure you need.”


	3. Chapter 3

Oswald led them out of the mansion, with Fish waddling in tow, and they went across town to an incredibly intimidating building. There was a wrought-iron gate, and the building itself had tall towers with dangerous looking architecture. There was also an alarming amount of gargoyles...and lightning for some reason.

Edward read the sign above the door. “Arkham? Is that supposed to mean something?”

“I’m not really sure. I think it’s just the place he used to work at when he was alive.” Oswald pushed open the door and it creaked loudly. “Although if I were him, I would’ve picked a happier place. Or at least one that wasn’t so…”

“Ominous?”

They both stared down the long, dark hallway. Fish started shuffling in without any hesitation. Oswald chuckled and offered his arm. “Shall we?”

Edward paused, but then he linked arms and they stepped into the building. It looked like it was meant to be a hospital; which seemed an even stranger choice of abode...given its location in the land of the  _ dead _ . They traversed the halls, rooms, and stairs while Oswald would occasionally call out.

“Strange! Strange? Are you home? Professor Strange?”

Edward lightly nudged him. “Okay, I know the place is weird, but you don’t have to insult the man.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to call him strange.”

Oswald blinked. “That’s his name Edward. He’s Professor Hugo Strange.”

“T-That’s his  _ name _ ? His name is Strange, but he’s...also strange?”

“Huh.” Oswald stopped at the top of some stairs. “I’ve never thought about it that way.”

Suddenly, a nearby door was thrown open. In the doorway stood a bald, serious looking man with a beard, round glasses, and a white coat. “Hello. Ah, Mr. Cobblepot, how may I help you?”

“Good evening, Hugo!” Oswald rushed forward to shake the professor’s hand. “How are you?”

“How is anyone? That’s the real question as we all navigate this thing called the afterlife.”

Oswald leaned over to Edward. “Don’t mind him, he asks questions like this all the time.” He looked back to Hugo. “Hugo, allow me to introduce you to my husband. Edward, Hugo. Hugo, Edward.”

Edward shifted nervously under Hugo’s stern gaze. “N-Nice to meet you sir.”

Hugo looked over the rim of his red tinted glasses. “Hm. Why don’t you two join me in my office.” He spotted the skeletal penguin. “You three.”

He stepped back into the room he came from. Strange’s office had a desk and two chairs. Behind it were several degrees and diagrams. Books were stacked to the ceiling all over. Hugo sat across from the couple in his armchair.

“Now, what can I do for the young lovers?”

Edward spluttered. “You d-don’t...don’t call us-”

Oswald ignored him. “We need to go up. Upstairs, to visit the land of the living.”

“Land of the living? Oh my dear…”

“ _ Please _ Professor?”

“Why ever would you want to go up there when people are  **dying** to get down here?”

Edward interjected. “Sir, I beg you to help. It means so much to me-” he caught a glance from Oswald, “ _ us _ .”

“I don’t know.” Hugo scratched his bald head, and a bit of his skull moved too. “It just doesn’t seem natural.”

Oswald put a hand on his husband’s arm. “Please Hugo, surely there must be something you can do?”

The professor was quiet for a moment. “Hm...well for you, I might have something. You’re lucky I happen to  _ specialize _ in the unnatural and unusual. Give me a minute to find it.”

Hugo got up and left the room. Oswald turned excitedly to Edward. “Oh, I’m so glad you thought of this.”

“Y-Yes. Me too.” Edward glanced away.

“I wish we were making a visit for a more...pleasant reason, but I’m sure we could find some way to make it a little more fun. You know, this is our first trip as a married couple, this could be like our honeymoon, that’s neat huh?”

Thinking about the implication of that word, Edward blushed. “Uh, I-I don’t know if we should call it  _ that _ per se.”

“Well whatever you want to call it, I’m glad we’re doing it.” Oswald smiled wide. “It feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen Gotham. I can’t wait to go back, I’ll be like a tourist in my own city; and you can be my handsome guide.”

“Sure…” Edward scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t get out much, but I know a few places. And maybe you could show me some of your old haunts.”

Just as Edward was about to smack himself, Oswald laughed and put his head on Edward’s shoulder. “Oh Edward, you’re hilarious! How did I get so lucky to have such a funny, smart, and absolutely darling man like you to marry me?”

Edward smiled softly, but his heart wasn’t in it. “Y-Yeah...some luck.”

Before guilt could completely gnaw away at him, Hugo came back through the door carrying a very odd machine. He set it down on his desk and started pressing buttons and turning knobs. When he turned around, he slapped some medical leads onto both their foreheads and looked intently at Oswald and Edward.

“Now there’s one simple rule. Whenever you want to come back, just tap your forehead three times, right where the sensor is.” Hugo’s hand hovered near a switch. “Any questions?”

Edward raised his hand, and while Hugo acknowledged it, he said nothing and flipped the switch. There was a bit of an electric shock, and then everything went black for a second. When Edward opened his eyes he saw they were at the same spot where it all began. He twitched and looked around, but Oswald was just staring at the full moon.

Those blue eyes were filled with so much longing. “I’ve spent so long in the darkness, that I’ve almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight is.”

While Oswald gazed upward, Edward couldn’t look at anything except Oswald’s face. The moonlight  _ was _ beautiful. It highlighted each one of Oswald’s features, and even cascaded over his fine clothes.

The spell was broken when a familiar blue butterfly crossed Edward’s field of vision. He watched it flutter around his head before crossing in front of the moon. It brushed its wings against Oswald’s cheek, and then flew off into the forest. Oswald sighed dreamily, and then tried to copy the delicate insect in the form of an elegant dance around the clearing. The tails of his jacket flowed behind him as he twirled and stepped along to a song that was only in his head.

Edward couldn’t suppress a smile as Oswald spun around a tree. Oswald batted his lashes and reached out to Edward. Unlike their first meeting, Edward felt no fear towards the corpse, and accepted the skeletal hand. They danced together with no sort of direction, just following the movement of the other person.

Oswald started spinning them, and they both laughed before taking a sudden tumble to the ground. Edward shook some snow out of his hair and stood up. He saw Oswald was pushing himself into a sitting position, and about a foot away from him was...a foot. A leg to be exact.

Oswald caught Edward looking and tried to hide his face beneath his hair. “Uh...s-sorry. I’m-I’m sorry...”

He reached towards it, but Edward beat him to it. Their eyes met for a second, but Oswald quickly averted his gaze. Edward held the skeletal leg tight, and then gestured to the empty space.

“M-May I…?”

Oswald didn’t say anything, but he nodded sheepishly. Edward knelt down and gently held Oswald’s bony thigh while putting the knee back together. There were some painful sounding cracks, but then Edward set the leg down. Oswald wiggled his foot to make sure everything worked.

They chuckled and then Edward pulled Oswald to his feet. They held hands and a gaze, but then they were interrupted by the distant sound of a church bell.

Edward looked in the direction of town, going over his plan again. He was lost in thought when he felt Oswald moving away from him.

“I suppose we shouldn’t waste any more time. Your parents still need a piece of my mind.”

“Oswald...Oswald wait.” Edward grabbed the corpse’s arm. He had to keep Oswald away somehow. “Maybe...maybe I should go first.”

“What? No way! I’m not letting you deal with these monsters on your own, we’re in this together!”

“Yes, but...given our um,  _ circumstances _ it might be better if I go ahead. I can prepare them, maybe see what the  _ mood _ is at home. I mean, we don’t want to go in there guns ablazing, right?”

“We don’t?”

If Edward didn’t have a plan of his own, he would’ve loved to see Oswald full of undead fury busting down his parent’s door.

“No, I-I think my way would be best.”

Oswald sat down on a stump with a huff. “Alright, we’ll do things your way, this is  _ your _ healing experience.”

“Thank you. Now...wait right here, I’ll come get you later.”

“Mmhm.”

Edward started walking away. “So stay on that stump.”

“Uh huh.”

“Right there.”

Oswald cracked a smile. “Yes, yes I get it! If you keep wasting time like this I’ll be dead a second time before you get back.” They laughed and then Oswald blew a kiss. “Now  **go** , and hurry back dear!”

Edward smiled too,and he only hoped his inner turmoil wasn’t showing. “Of course.”

Edward left the clearing, and as soon as he was out of Oswald’s sight, he started sprinting. He knew this was going to be better in the long run, but he still felt bad leaving Oswald behind. How excited Oswald seemed, his blue eyes shining, and his dedication to making Edward happy…

Edward slowed down when he entered town. Each footstep felt heavier as he thought about Oswald alone in the woods. How long would he wait for Edward to return? Hours? The whole night? Then what would he do when he couldn’t find Edward? When he realized Edward...abandoned him…

The thought made him stop outside of Isabella’s house. Maybe he should go back, maybe he should be honest with Oswald about breaking up. No, no he couldn’t. Anytime he tried to bring it up, it never worked. This was the only way, no matter how much it would hurt, it was the best choice for both of them. Oswald wouldn’t want to be married to someone like Edward, and then there was the whole living and dead factor.

While he was weighing his options, he overheard Lord and Lady Flynn, and ducked under a window so he wouldn’t be seen.

Lord Flynn clenched his fists. “If ever I see that Nygma boy, I’ll strangle him with my bare hands!”

“Oh dear, you couldn’t. Your hands are too fat, and his neck is too thin. You’ll have to use rope.”

Edward, deciding it was better for his health, went to look for another way in. He went around the back and looked up to Isabella’s room. Conveniently, there was a vine covered pillar leading right to her balcony.

In the past day, Edward had done more physical activity than he ever had in his life. He flopped over the railing and let out a huge groan. A few seconds later, the doors opened and Isabella was standing over him with the most shocked expression.

“Edward?”

“G-Good evening, Ms. Isabella.”

She seemed to relax. “Oh Edward, I’m so happy to see you. Come, come in! Come by the fire.”

She helped him up and got him into a chair. She stoked the fire and sat across from him with her hands folded. “Edward...Edward what’s going on?”

He stared at the fire. He’d succeeded in getting here, but he hadn’t thought about what he was actually going to say.

Isabella reached across to squeeze his hand. Then she gasped a little and grabbed his other hand. “You’re as cold as death! What’s happened to you? Where have you been? Are you alright? Your coat! You-”

Edward stopped her. “Isabella...I…” he paused. How to ease her into the idea that he accidentally married a corpse? He swallowed. “I must confess, this morning I was terrified of marriage…”

“Oh, oh God you’re breaking up with me.”

“W-What? I-I-”

“Oh no, oh no…” Isabella put her face in her hands.

Edward awkwardly reached out to pat her shoulder. “Look…”

“Y-You know…” she lifted her head and sniffed, “I...I wasn’t that crazy about marrying you either, but...but hear me out, please! I know we’ve just met, and you’ve already got this  _ mystery suitor _ -”

“M-Mystery suitor?”

“But...but please stay and marry me! I-I don’t even care if you have a mistress or whatever, you can keep seeing them, but please don’t let them marry me off to Lord Galavan!” Isabella threw herself into Edward’s arms.

He just held his hands up, unsure what to do with them. “W-What...what are you talking about? L-Let’s go through this slowly.”

“W-Well after you left...mother and father were furious. They gave your parents until dawn to find you or...or else they’re marrying me to Lord Galavan!”

Edward did his best to comfort her. “It...it’s going to be okay Isabella. I’m here now.”

“A-And you’re going to marry me?”

His eyes darted to the side. “Uh...about that…”

“Oh Edward, I know it’s not ideal, but...but we can live in separate wings of the house, we could always divorce too. I’ve only known you for a few hours today, but I already know you can’t be worse than Galavan.”

“Um...thank you?”

“So please, as the closest thing to a friend that I have, would you marry me...for convenience?” She clasped her hands together.

After a moment of silence, Edward sucked air in through his teeth. “Ooo...I-I  _ think _ I should be able to. I want to help, but-”

Isabella’s face lit up and she hugged him tightly. “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise to be the best fake wife you’ll ever have!”

He started to object, but figured he’d let this play out before explaining the situation. He scoffed and hugged her back, closing his eyes for just a moment. However, when he opened them, he gasped. There, climbing over the railing, was Oswald.

Edward quickly pushed Isabella away. “Look, I’m really sorry to tell you this, but I...I seem to find myself in a strange situation...matrimonially.”

“W-What does that mean?”

“I...I uh...technically I’m already married, but-”

“You’re  **what** ? It hasn’t even been that long! How? To whom?”

The balcony doors opened, along with a gust of wind that made Oswald fix his bangs. “Pft, pft stupid hair it always gets caught  _ right  _ in the mouth… Edward darling, I was-”

The room went quiet as everyone glanced between each other. Oswald cleared his throat and made a show of grabbing Edward’s arm. “Darling...who’s she?”

Isabella looked the corpse up and down. “Edward, who is this?”

Without hesitation, Oswald stuck out his bony hand. “I’m his  **husband** .”

Isabella examined the ring and slowly looked at Edward. “Edward…?”

“I-Isabella, this isn’t- I’m not...we’re not really… Isabella it’s all a misunderstanding.” Panicking, Edward snatched Oswald’s arm and shook it. “He’s dead, see?”

  
Offended, Oswald yanked his hand back. “Excuse me?” He poked Edward’s forehead. “How  **dare** you?” He poked it again. “We are going home this instant!” He poked the spot a third time and there was a sudden flash of light.


	4. Chapter 4

Back in Professor Strange’s office, Edward opened and closed his eyes. The sensor on his head was ripped off rather unceremoniously, and he saw Oswald standing in front of him with a scowl.

“You  _ lied _ to me! Just to get back to that other woman!”

Edward stood up, but was pushed back down. He shook his head and sighed. “Look, don’t you understand... _ you’re _ the other woman...man.”

Oswald threw his hands up and paced to the other end of the room. “No! You’re married to  _ me _ !” His eyes started to fill with tears as he looked back at Edward. “ _ She’s _ the other woman…”

He turned around and covered his face, sobbing. Edward glanced to Hugo, who was casually flipping through a book. The professor shrugged.

“He’s got a point.”

With no help, Edward stood up again. He went to put a hand on Oswald’s shoulder, but the corpse pulled away. Using his frayed sleeves, Oswald dabbed his eyes.

“A-And I thought...I thought this was all going so well!” He burst into tears again. As he did, his eye popped out and rolled across the floor.

It landed right at Edward’s feet. Trying not to gag, Edward gently picked it up and cleaned it off using his jacket. He stepped towards Oswald and held it out. “I’m sorry, but...this just can’t work.”

“Why not?” Oswald asked between sniffles as he took the eye. “It’s my eye, isn’t it?”

“No, your eye is…” Edward watched him push the ball back into the empty socket, “lovely. It’s...under different circumstances well...who knows? But we’re just too different. I mean, you’re  **dead** .”

Oswald lightly gasped, but then he set his jaw. Although, despite his firm appearance, his voice still wavered. “Well, maybe you should’ve thought about that before asking me to marry you.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you understand it was a mistake? I would never marry you!”

It was at that moment, Edward wished he were actually dead. In the very eye he just held, he saw the damage his words had caused. He expected the tears and sniffles from earlier, maybe a few shouts, but instead...Oswald just sighed. That was all. He just sighed and turned away from Edward, exiting the office and descending the stairs.

Edward took a step after him, but stopped. It was probably best he didn’t follow. Edward heaved a big sigh and looked back at Professor Strange. “Do you mind if I stay here a while?”

Hugo shrugged. “Only if I get to poke around your mind.” Seeing Edward’s horror, he gestured to his degrees. “Purely in the psychological sense. Although I’m licensed for surgeries too, but please...have a seat. Now, what’s troubling you?”

“Uh...besides the obvious, or..?”

“Ah yes, the  _ obvious _ . What  _ is _ the obvious?”

Sitting across the desk, Edward furrowed his brows in confusion. “Um...t-the fight with Oswald? The one you were right there for? Y-You saw the whole thing…?”

“And that was troubling...for  **you** ?” Strange leaned back. “Because from the sound of things, you don’t want to be married anyway.”

“I don’t. I never did.”

“You never did? Yet, you still married Oswald.”

Edward was getting frustrated. “You were here for this part! You know it wasn’t intentional, I was practicing my vows so I could get married to Isabella.”

“Ah, so you wanted to marry this Isabella?”

“No!” Edward shook his head. “N-No, I mean yes, but not-”

“You  _ did _ want to marry her?”

“Well...I didn’t  _ want _ to, but I was going to.”

“Hm. So you were going to marry Isabella even though you don’t want to, and you  _ also _ didn’t want to marry Oswald, but you  **did** . So if you don’t want either marriage, why are you trying so hard to get rid of Oswald and get married to Isabella instead?”

“B-Because...Oswald’s  **dead** .”

Strange angled forward. “Is that all?”

“What do you mean is that all? It’s a pretty big issue!”

“All I’m saying is, if Oswald were alive...would you still be fighting to get back to Isabella?”

Edward opened his mouth, and then closed it. Then he opened it again. “Isabella needs my help though. If I don’t get back, she’ll be forced to marry someone else she doesn’t want to marry.”

“Did I hear you say  _ else _ ? Meaning she probably doesn’t want to marry you either?”

“Well...I don’t know. It’s more of a ‘lesser of two evils’ situation, and I’m...more tolerable?”

“And how do we know that? If she hasn’t known either of you long, how can she make a proper assessment? Besides if you went back, you’d be forced into marrying someone you don’t want to as well. So what’s the difference between her marrying  _ you _ , or marrying this other stranger? Also…” Strange locked eyes with Edward, “you dodged my other question. Let’s go back to that, shall we?”

Edward was starting to regret agreeing to this therapy session.

* * *

Oswald walked all the way back to the Van Dahl mansion. He meant to go right to his bedroom, but when he passed the ballroom with the piano in it...he had to stop. He tiptoed in and sat on the bench. It felt so much wider without Edward sitting next to him. There was a vase on top of the piano filled with flowers, a replica of his mother’s wedding bouquet that his father liked to keep around. Oswald reached up and plucked them out. He held the stems tightly to his chest, running his fingers over the petals.

“Roses for eternal love, lilies for sweetness, baby’s breath…” He stopped. They all seemed to mock him now.

Before he could start crying, he tossed the bouquet to the side. In the quiet room, he heard a ‘wak’ and looked over to see Fish beside him. On her head was Barbara. Barb’s eight legs scuttled onto Oswald’s knee.

“Why so blue, Ozzy?”

“Oh nothing. Just thinking about what an unlovable monster I am, and how my marriage is crumbling around me. Maybe Edward’s right, maybe we are too different.”

A voice echoed inside his head. “Maybe he should have his head examined.” Then Oswald yanked Penn out. “I could do it.”

“Or perhaps he does belong with her.” Oswald frowned. “ _ Little Miss  _ **_Living_ ** .” But then his anger dissolved into sadness. “With her rosy cheeks and...beating heart.”

Barb waved one of her legs. “Oh those girls are ten a penny, you’ve got so much more! You’ve got...you’ve got, uh...you’ve got a wonderful personality!” She looked to Penn for help.

“Huh? Oh, oh yes! I mean, what does that wispy little brat have that you don’t have double?”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “A pulse, working legs, boobs…”

Barb cut in. “Okay, okay wrong direction. Look, she’s not the one wearing his  _ ring _ .”

Penn nodded. “And she doesn’t play piano, or dance, or sing, or-”

“That’s right! This bitch can’t compare.”

Oswald sighed. “But she still breathes air.”

“Who cares?”

Penn stomped his little tail. “Unimportant!”

“Overrated!”

“Overblown!”

“Just because you don’t  _ need _ air doesn’t mean you can’t breathe it!”

“She’s got a point! You literally just sighed sir, what do you think caused that? Breathing.” Penn squirmed onto Oswald’s shoulder. “Come now, the sole redeeming feature from  _ that _ little creature is that she’s  **alive** .”

Barb crawled closer. “Like I said, overrated! Besides, everybody knows that’s just a temporary state, which is cured very quickly when we meet our fate. For instance, I’m sure you didn’t plan on being…”

She shut up and Penn quickly jumped in. “So you see, just because this woman is alive doesn’t mean she’s better than you! You have nothing to be jealous or worried about.”

Barb nodded her head. “Mmhm, mmhm exactly! You’re the baddest bitch in the underworld Ozzy, this upstairs tramp has nothing on you. You’re hot, smart, talented…”

“And if Edward can’t see what’s right in front of him, well his glasses need to get checked!”

Then Barb and Penn spoke together. “If only he could see how special you can be. If he only knew the you that  _ we _ know.”

Oswald stared at them for a long time and then flicked them off his shoulder. He stood up and sighed. “I need a drink.”

* * *

Edward had no idea how long he’d been sitting in Hugo’s office, answering what felt like the same questions over and over. When they got to the subject of his parents though, Edward decided he’d had enough and promptly excused himself.

With his hands in his pockets he started to wander the town. He hadn’t even been here that long, but he was already becoming accustomed to the skeletons and oddities. And, despite how bright and quirky the place was, it was strangely peaceful. Although the calmness of the city couldn’t calm the turmoil inside of Edward.

He still didn’t know what to do about the Oswald and Isabella situation. He wanted to help Isabella out, even though he didn’t  _ owe _ her any assistance, but he also didn’t want to hurt Oswald to do it. He also wanted to help Oswald, but...well he wasn’t even sure how, or if there was a way to help Oswald; but if sticking around here was all it would take...he wouldn’t mind it. He liked Oswald...well enough. Isabella was a nice girl too, and even though he didn’t know much about this Lord Galavan...he knew that the man wasn’t a good match for Isabella.

Edward ran a hand over his face and sat down outside of The Ball & Socket. A faded poster for Zsasz’s band hung above him. He tried to think about Strange’s point - what if they took the ‘living and dead’ part away? However, try as he might, he couldn’t forget that aspect. Oswald was dead and nothing could change that.  Meanwhile, Edward was alive, and he had to do what living people were supposed to -  **live** . He was supposed to wake up every morning and...do something, and then...do some more things at night and then go to bed to do it all over again.

He sighed and leaned his head against the stone wall. That’s when he heard it - music, a piano. There was another sound too, a...squawking sound. Edward looked to the end of the alley and saw Fish, and she had something in her beak. Curious, Edward got to his feet and walked over. When he got close, he realized it was a bouquet. He was also able to hear the music more clearly, and recognized Oswald’s voice.

“ -cut me with a knife, it's still the same. Yet I feel my heart is aching, though it doesn't beat it's breaking; and the pain here that I feel, try and tell me it's not real. I know that I am dead. Yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed…”

Edward looked into the doorway of the bar, listening to the somber tune and knowing that it was all his fault. Fish recaptured his attention by nudging his leg and dropping the flowers at his feet. Even though she didn’t actually have eyes, he knew she was giving him a  _ look _ . Edward scooped up the bouquet and arranged a few of the blossoms. No matter what was going to happen in the future, he had to try and make things right again.

He cautiously stepped inside the bar and spotted Oswald still at the piano, playing a few notes. Edward summoned his courage and walked over with the bouquet.

“I...think you dropped these.”

Smooth. Oswald didn’t even look up. Edward set the flowers on the piano and considered leaving, but he knew that would be wrong.

“I’m sorry.” He started slowly. “I’m sorry I lied to you about my parents. Although, not all of it was a lie, they truly are terrible people.”

His joke didn’t land, and he assumed his apology didn’t either. He sat down with his back to Oswald.

“I really am sorry. It’s just that...this entire day hasn’t gone quite…” he paused and then scoffed, “according to plan.”

Oswald still hadn’t taken his eyes off the keys, and kept playing as if Edward wasn’t there. Edward watched for a moment, and then came to the conclusion that if words weren’t going to work, maybe music would. He put one hand on the keys and played a bit.

Oswald shot him a glare, but at least it was something. But then he went back to his melody. As soon as he was finished, Edward copied the notes in a higher octave. Oswald frowned again and played some more, ending on a grim chord.

Edward bit his lip, and then went with the song he performed earlier. When he finished the first part, he expected Oswald to continue their back and forth. When he didn’t, Edward hit a few more notes. Still nothing. Hope on hope, Edward went all in and simply kept playing. Thankfully, after a few moments, Oswald did join in.

They had both ends of the piano going in a sort of duel, but whenever they looked at each other there was no more bitterness. The duel became a duet and they were even smiling at each other at one point.

Oswald’s fingers flew across the keys during a particularly complex section, literally. His bony hand broke off and began playing all by itself, going off script to dance around on the ivories. It even did a little twirl, and then started roaming over to Edward’s side. It climbed onto his arm and made its way up to skip around on his shoulder.

Oswald looked embarrassed as he laughed. “Pardon my enthusiasm.”

Edward plucked the hand off his shoulder, and like he did with the leg, he reattached it to Oswald’s wrist. “I like your enthusiasm.”

He was a little surprised at how low his voice was, but he didn’t try to take it back. Instead he just smiled softly at Oswald, and Oswald smiled softly back. Then Edward caught Oswald’s quick glance at his mouth, and he blushed as he stole a peek himself. For being slightly blue, Oswald’s lips looked more inviting than they should. Oswald started to lean forward and Edward found himself leaning down too… Then a back door slammed and the couple quickly separated.

Zsasz strolled in with his band following him, but came to an immediate halt when he saw the newlyweds. “You two are still together?”

Oswald timidly looked at Edward. “I think so?”

Edward paused and then lightly put his hand over Oswald’s. “I think so.”

“Damn.” Zsasz shook his head. “Alright, I was just checking what my chances were.” He winked and then continued onto the stage.

Edward and Oswald moved away to a corner booth as the band set up and the bar started opening. They talked about a variety of subjects: special interests, some of their most embarrassing moments, and favorite foods. Even though Oswald was dead and didn’t need to eat, he explained that a lot of people still enjoyed the taste of things.

“-you get all of the benefits without any of the calories!”

Edward chuckled. “I didn’t know you counted calories down here.”

“Of course we do, how else do you think we maintain these ‘skin and bone’ figures?”

Edward snorted and shook his head. “That’s not even funny.” Then he stretched his cheeks, massaging them. “Ow, I don’t know what I did, but my cheeks or my jaw hurts.”

“Oh,  _ your _ jaw hurts?” Oswald proceeded to break his off and hold it out.

Trying and failing not to laugh, Edward pushed the hand back. “Oh my, stop that! Put it back!”

Oswald snapped it back into place and chuckled. “You want to know why your mouth really hurts?”

“Is this somehow going to be another dead joke?”

“I think...it’s because you’re actually smiling for once. I feel like I haven’t seen you smile this whole time, and you have such a lovely smile.”

Edward tried to ignore his blush, but he couldn’t stop it, which only made his cheeks hurt more. Oswald leaned over the table. “But do you want to know what will stop the pain? Dancing.”

Edward tilted his head. “Really? Is that scientifically proven?”

“Does it matter?”

“Well, I don’t believe it’ll help me at all, but…” Edward stood up and offered his hand, “why not?”

Oswald took it and they joined the group of people already out on the dance floor. This time the band played more of a variety, but they still leaned heavily towards disco. Edward and Oswald spun and dipped and shimmied all over. They also danced with some of the other patrons around them, and Edward was surprised at just how friendly dead people could be. As another song came to a close, Oswald twirled into Edward’s arms.

They swayed back and forth for a little bit, but then Oswald got a tap on his shoulder. Hugo stood there with a book under his arm. “Mr. Cobblepot, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Oswald looked at Edward. “I think anything you can say to me, you can say in front of my husband.”

Hugo adjusted his glasses, barely even acknowledging Edward. “I’d really prefer if it were private.”

With a sigh, Oswald let go of Edward’s hands. “Alright fine. I’ll be back soon dear.”

“Sure, I’ll...be here.” Edward waved and then the two were out of sight.

Except, he wasn’t there, well not exactly. Edward stayed for a few seconds, but then he went to sit down at a table. He had a short conversation with some man who must’ve died from an acid attack because half of his face was melted. Then Edward migrated to the bar. While he was waiting for his drink, he happened to overhear Oswald’s voice. It was coming from a back room, and while Edward knew he shouldn’t snoop, he couldn’t resist getting closer.

When he was right outside, he could hear both voices clearly. Oswald sighed. “Yes yes you were flipping through your books. Really Hugo, I don’t think I need an hour of build-up. Would you please just tell me why you’re here so I can get back to my husband?”

“Well you see, that’s what we need to talk about.” Hugo cleared his throat. “There is a complication with your...marriage.”

“What? Why didn’t you start with that!”

“I was trying to ease you into it.”

“By telling me your whole life story? What is it? What’s the complication?”

“The vows are binding only until  _ death do you part _ .”

There was a pause, and then Oswald’s voice had a quiver to it. “What are you saying?”

“Death has already parted you.”

Oswald gasped. “Wait...that means…”

“Your  _ husband _ is hardly even a fiance.”

Edward covered his mouth and pressed himself against the wall. He...he wasn’t married to Oswald. He...could leave...he could go back to the land of living and never look back. He could leave…

He heard Oswald’s shoes pacing back and forth. “Oh Hugo, there must be something I can do.”

“Well...there is one way.”

Penn’s tiny voice could also be heard. “Oo, oo! I think I know what it is! Can I guess? Can I say it?”

Hugo talked over him. “It requires the greatest sacrifice.”

“Oo, pick me, pick me! I know it, I know it!”

Oswald snapped. “What? What, Penn? What is it?”

“We have to kill him!”

Edward’s blood ran cold. He probably would’ve run away right then if he hadn’t heard Oswald’s loud gasp.

“What? No! Are you sure?”

Hugo’s voice was calm, accompanied by the sound of flipping pages. “Edward would have to give up the life he had forever. He would need to repeat his vows in the land of the living and drink from the wine of ages.”

“Poison…” Oswald said quietly.

“This would stop his heart forever. Only then would he be free to give it to you.”

Edward shuffled around the corner, peeking inside to see Oswald crumpled on the floor. Edward stayed close to the wall, trying to make sense of all that he heard. He looked at Oswald, softly crying while Professor Strange patted his back. Then Edward looked at the staircase leading out of the bar. He thought about Isabella.

He made it halfway up before he stopped. He thought about Isabella again, and then Gotham, and then his parents. Then...he thought about Oswald. Frozen in place, he went over all the questions Strange asked him during his therapy session. All the questions that he left unanswered and decisions he left unmade.

Edward raced down the steps, but then stopped again. Oswald was dead. Isabella was alive, and she needed his help. She had called him a friend, and who would he be to turn his back on a friend? Filled with determination, Edward turned back towards the steps, but he didn’t move. The wedding was supposed to be this morning. Time may not mean anything down here, but he was sure it’s been long enough. Even if he were able to get above ground, there was no way he’d be able to get back in time to stop the wedding.

Edward slinked back to his hiding spot, and inside the room he saw Oswald was still on the floor, wiping away tears.

“Oh Hugo…I could never ask him…”

Edward straightened up and walked in. “You don’t have to.” He stood in front of Oswald. “I’ll do it.”

Hugo stepped forward, separating them just a bit. “Mr. Nygma, if you choose this path, you may never return to the land above. Do you understand?”

Edward brushed past him and took Oswald’s bony hand, helping him up. He wiped a teardrop before it fell through the hole in Oswald’s cheek. “I do.”


	5. Chapter 5

When the town heard the news, everyone was abuzz with activity. Having a wedding  _ upstairs _ was going to be quite the undertaking. Almost as soon as the couple made the announcement, Oswald was swept away by a group of ladies all murmuring about how they were ‘going to have a wedding’, and how they were going to redo Oswald’s hair.

Edward began to follow them when a large spider web was dropped on him. Caught in the sticky net, he saw Barbara crawling up to him.

“Where do you think you’re going? You’re not supposed to see each other until the big day.”

“What? We’ve  _ already _ seen each other, we were just together!”

“Well  **sor-ry** , but we should at least have a  _ few _ minutes of tradition! Besides, we need to get you a new suit.”

“W-We?” After Edward said it, a collection of spiders showed up and started dragging the net away. “Wait, wait where are you taking me? Hello? Help, anyone!”

It wasn’t at all as bad as he was expecting. When Barb finally let him have his glasses back, he was able to see all the work the spiders had done. He gasped and spun around in the mirror. Someway, somehow, they’d managed to make a perfectly fitted green suit.

Barb sat on his shoulder. “At first, I thought the sequined jacket might’ve been a bit much, but then I thought-”

“I love it.” Edward ran his hands over the material. “I absolutely love it. Thank you Barbara.”

“You’re welcome. Although I really only oversaw the construction. Oswald’s the one who designed it.”

“He did?”

“Mmhm, from pretty much the moment you arrived.”

Edward looked at his sparkling reflection again and smiled.

Once they were back in the square, Edward was met by Zsasz and all the other gangsters from the bar. They all had their arms crossed. Zsasz leaned close to Edward’s face.

“I just want to let you know, you break our boy’s heart and I’ll break every bone in your body, living or dead.”

Edward glanced around at all the thugs. “Uh...w-what is happening?”

Zsasz immediately dropped his arms and smiled. “It’s a threat, pal! You said we’re going to do this wedding right, and every wedding I ever went to included the bride’s side threatening the groom.”

Edward wanted to ask just  _ what kinds _ of weddings Zsasz had gone to, but he was cut-off by a new voice.

“Thank you Victor, but I believe those threats are usually made by the father-in-law.”

Edward spun around to see a new corpse, an older man with fine clothes and a warm smile. He extended a bony hand to Edward. “Lord Elijah Van Dahl, pleasure to meet the man marrying my son.”

“Uh…” Edward awkwardly shook it, “Edward Nygma, p-pleasure’s all mine sir. Oswald said you were-”

“Abroad? Yes.” Elijah nodded. “You didn’t think I’d miss my only son’s wedding did you? At least not one I had  **notice** about…” He eyed Edward, and then went back to smiling. “But, we’re all here now and that’s what's important. I look forward to getting to know you better Mr. Nygma.”

“M-Me too.”

The two men were pushed apart as Zsasz came between them. He was looking up at a staircase. “Oh my god, you look stunning!”

Edward turned to where Zsasz was looking and saw Oswald descending into the square. The purple suit still had some fraying wear and tear, but most of the damage had been fixed, and now there was intricate embroidery on the lapels. His hair was spiked up so it was no longer in his face, and the bangs were shaped almost like a heart on his forehead.

Oswald made eye contact with Edward and a smile spread across his face. Then he spotted his father and his mouth dropped open. He raced down the remaining steps to jump into Elijah’s arms.

“You made it!”

“Well I heard about the first marriage, and by the time I got here to congratulate you...you’re having another one!” Elijah chuckled and released his son.

“Yeah...sorry about that.” Oswald looked down, but then to Edward. “Oh, and have you met Edward?”

“I have! And from the five seconds I’ve known him, he seems like an upstanding lad.” Elijah patted Oswald’s back. “Although I don’t really need to know him because if you said ‘yes’ I trust your judgement. Now come on, before we all rot away! Let’s go celebrate your wedding day!”

Elijah’s exclamation was met with a round of cheers. The crowd of skeletons and corpses started marching forth. Olga and the other women ushered Oswald on, while Zsasz and his goons got a hold of Edward. There was a great jubulience as they headed up to the land of the living.

* * *

Isabella couldn’t have been having a worse night. She’d gotten married, but she wished she’d eaten shards of glass instead. Oh if only Edward had been here. Isabella had really hoped that he would make his way back to her in time. She knew that they weren’t close, but she’d meant it when she called him her only friend. He seemed nice, mayhaps a little awkward, but she might have actually smiled if he were the one at the altar.

Yet here she was, sitting at the head of a long table next to the most horrible man alive. Theo Galavan, her  _ husband _ , was droning on in a long toast all about himself. She cast a depressing glance at one chair in particular, down by the end. Out of all the rich old families in Gotham, she’d only ever gotten to know Gertrud Kapelput. Isabella made a sly gesture of putting a gun to her head. The, usually polite, widow rolled her eyes in understanding.

Just as Isabella thought her eyelids might droop closed, the fireplace behind her roared to life and the dining room was filled with green light. All around the room she could hear an odd clicking, clattering, sound approaching the table. Then, behind her guests she saw the bones of skeletons, and corpses creeping closer.

Paralyzed by fear, she sat at the head of the table and watched as everyone took notice and started to scurry and scream. The undead didn’t seem too affected, in fact they seemed more interested in the food and decor than the people.

Suddenly, she was grabbed by the elbow and pulled off to a corner by Lord Galavan. “We’re going to take whatever money we can and get out of here!”

Isabella blinked, still processing what was happening. “Money? What money?”

“Your  **dowry** , it’s my right!” He growled.

“M-My parents don’t have any money. It’s my marriage to  _ you _ that will save  _ them _ from the poorhouse.”

“T-The  **poorhouse** ?” Galavan’s slicked back hair started to fall out of place, and he grabbed her. “You lie, it isn’t true! Tell me that you’re lying!”

For the first time all day, Isabella showed the hint of a smile. “Did things not go  _ according to your plan _ , Lord Galavan? Well perhaps in disappointment, we are perfectly matched.”

Galavan, eyes burning with rage, threw Isabella into the nearest corpse. “Have at her, the least you can do is  **afford** my escape!”

Isabella screamed as she was flung into the creature. She fought and kicked until a firm hand on her arm pulled her to safety. Gertrud got between Isabella and the corpse as she used her umbrella like a sword.

“Now you get your filthy hands off this young woman!” She swung a few times, the undead man swiftly dodging each time.

“W-Wait!” Swoosh. “B-Buttercup!” Swoosh. “Sweetness! Gertrud!”

The old woman let the weapon drop to the floor. She squinted her eyes. “E-Elijah?”

Elijah straightened up and sighed. “Oh Gertrud, my lily, I’ve missed you.”

“Oh Elijah!” She threw her arms around him.

Isabella, after her fear passed, smiled, she thought the moment was sweet. Then she chose to glance away once the two started kissing. After Elijah had to pick his tongue off the floor, he cleared his throat, embarrassed.

“So...darling...w-what are you doing here?”

“I was here for the wedding!”

He gasped. “How’d you know about the wedding? Did Oswald tell everyone except for me?”

Gertrud tilted her head. “O-Oswald? Oh sweetheart, Oswald’s dead.”

“I  **know** ! And he’s getting married!”

“Oswald’s getting married?” She frowned. “Alright mister, what  _ hell-spawn hussy _ is trying to marry my son?”

Isabella whispered to herself, stunned. “Edward?”

Gertrud scoffed. “Edward? Edward who? I hate him already.”

Elijah rubbed his wife’s arm. “Cupcake please, he’s a very nice man, and Ozzy really seems to like him. Just come down to the church and you’ll...”

Isabella snapped to and grabbed Elijah’s shoulders. “The church?  _ Gotham Cathedral _ ? In town? Edward’s  **here** ?”

She shook him until his arms popped out of his sockets. He stared down at the empty space, but didn’t seem otherwise affected.

“Uh...yes. Do you know each other?”

Isabella helped reattach the arms. “Y-Yes, we’re...friends.”

“Oh excellent, then I assume you’ll be coming to the wedding with us?”

She looked back at the flipped tables and huge mess left by her fleeing guests. “Most definitely. And I-I’m sorry about the…”

Elijah adjusted his shoulder and then shrugged. “Think nothing of it! Now come along, we don’t want to miss one moment!”

He linked elbows with Gertrud and they headed out into the street. Isabella followed them, and a bunch of other corpses with loved ones, all the way to Gotham Cathedral.

Inside the church, Isabella saw packed pews with everyone abuzz. Gertrud and Elijah squeezed into some seats upfront, but Isabella stayed along the edge, sticking to the shadows. It was startling how different it was compared to her wedding only hours earlier. Then there, up at the altar, was Edward Nygma. He was hard to miss in a sparkling green suit, but she almost didn’t recognize it was him because of...how happy he looked.

* * *

Edward stood at the front of the room. He’d felt nervous when he was practicing with Isabella, but this was a whole new type of nervous. He shifted from foot to foot, and he tried to look as classy and neutral as possible, but the corners of his mouth kept curling up.

He never thought he’d have this moment. Only a short time ago, he dreaded the very idea of marriage, and then he found himself married to something out of a horror novel, but here he is...getting married...to that same corpse...willingly. He kind of regretted not being able to help Isabella, but there was nothing he could do now; and he was sure Lord Galavan could supply her with more riches than Edward’s family. So in the end, everything worked out. Well...except maybe that he was going to die, but he really didn’t mind, he didn’t have much going on up here anyway.

The organ started to play and he turned his attention to the end of the aisle. Now there was certainly no hiding his smile. Oswald looked like a vision, a ghostly one, but a vision all the same. It was the perfect time of night where the moon was actually streaming in through the door, framing him from behind. He limped down the aisle on his bony leg, and carrying a bouquet of flowers, fresh this time. He took Edward’s hand at the altar and they both turned to Professor Strange.

“Dearly beloved and deceased, we are gathered here today to join this man and this corpse in marriage. Some of you may not think I’m authorized to perform this ceremony being a humble doctor with three masters degrees, but I guarantee you I’m also a licensed officiant.” Hugo cleared his throat. “On with the vows then. Mr. Nygma, would you care to lead?”

Edward nodded and looked at Oswald. “With this hand, I will lift your sorrows.”

“With this hand, I will lift your sorrows.” Oswald raised his bony hand.

“Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.” Edward’s vows flowed smoothly as he lifted a silver chalice.

Oswald popped the cork off of a decanter, a mix of wine and poison inside. “Your cup will never empty,” he poured some into the glass, “for I will…”

He stopped and then swallowed. “Y-Your cup will never empty, for I will...I-I will…”

Edward watched him, feeling a little nervous. He tried mouthing the last few words in case Oswald simply forgot, but the other man’s gaze seemed far off.

Edward glanced at the cup, and then decided to move along. “-be your wine.”

He started to raise it to his lips when Oswald’s hand covered the top and pushed it back down. There were murmurs from the audience and Edward’s nerves only got worse. He looked to Oswald for any kind of explanation.

Oswald opened his mouth and then glanced behind Edward, and then back to his face. “I-I can’t.”

“W-What’s wrong? Oswald-”

“ **This** is wrong. I  **was** a groom, once. I made a choice, and even if it cost me everything, I can’t undo it. My chance at a life of love was taken from me, and now...now I can’t steal that chance from someone else. I love you Edward, but...you’re not mine.” Oswald stepped back before Edward could say anything else, and gestured to the side of the room.

Everyone turned to look at Isabella, her perfect white dress barely hidden behind a pillar. She slowly stepped out and came forward.

Edward’s mouth hung open. “I-Isabella?”

She smiled meekly. “Hello Edward, bad time?”

He continued to stare at her, and then he glanced between her and Oswald, and then landed on her again. “I-I thought...I thought you were already married.”

Isabella opened her mouth, but the voice belonged to a man at the back of the chapel. “She is.”

Lord Galavan strode up the aisle. “But how **touching** is this? Our young lovers, together at last. Surely now they can live happily ever after… But you forget,” he grabbed Isabella, “she’s still my wife! And I will not leave here  _ empty handed _ !”

His biting voice rang through the cathedral, and then left it silent. The next sound came from Oswald. It was quiet, so quiet that even Edward barely heard the whisper.

“You.”

Galavan turned his attention towards the corpse. His snarl dropped slowly as it was replaced with realization. “Oswald?”

“ **_You_ ** .” Now Oswald’s voice was loud enough for everyone to hear.

“B-But...I left you…”

Oswald narrowed his eyes. “For dead.”

The entire congregation gasped. Galavan stumbled back. “This man is obviously delusional!”

Living, dead, and the like all started to rise with nothing but hatred in their eyes. Galavan continued to pull Isabella with him, using her as a human shield. When it seemed like the crowd would close in on them, he pulled a gun out of his pocket and held it to Isabella’s head.

“Sorry to blow off the reception, but we must be on our way.”

Edward glanced at Oswald and then at Isabella. He took a brave step forward. “Take your hands  **off** her.”

Galavan looked the threat over and sighed. “Do I have to kill you too?”

He leveled the gun at Edward’s chest. However, before he could fire a single round, Fish came up and pecked at his ankle. Galavan screamed and Isabella took the chance to wriggle away from him and run towards Oswald off to the side.

Zsasz shouted to Edward. “Edward, catch!”

He threw a gun and Edward juggled it back and forth between his hands before dropping it on the ground. It fired one shot that happened to shoot Galavan’s gun out of his hand.

Zsasz clapped his hands a few times. “Not what was expected, but still good, still good.”

Galavan didn’t think so and he brandished a rather large and intricate dagger before lunging at Edward. With a squeak, Edward made a move for the gun he dropped. He didn’t grab it, actually kicked it further away, but he still successfully ducked under Galavan’s swipe.

Forgoing the gun, Edward looked around for another weapon to use. Sitting in the pew next to him was Tabitha, with the whip around her neck. He looked at her pleadingly. She glared at him, but unwound it all the same. Edward didn’t get a chance to thank her as Galavan’s knife came dangerously close.

Edward jumped back and gave himself some space to crack the whip. He still wasn’t entirely sure of what he was doing, and hit himself on accident.

Galavan cackled and charged forward again. They grappled with each other for a few moments, and then Galavan threw Edward to the ground. As he went to strike, Edward slithered under the pews. Galavan cursed and started pushing people aside to climb onto the benches.

Edward crawled toward the front of the church, dragging the whip behind him. He hoped that the benches would provide him some cover as he rethought his strategy. That wasn’t the case as Galavan’s foot came stomping inches from his nose. He looked up to see Galavan’s face contorted with bloodlust. Edward barely scooted back as Galavan stabbed down at him.

Upon standing up, Edward bumped the pew. Seeing how it made Galavan unsteady, Edward used all his strength to tip the thing over. The villain toppled onto the ground, but he shot a hand out from under the bench to claw at Edward’s ankle. Edward used the whip again, and this time it actually snapped at the right person.

Galavan’s hand retreated under the pew, and Edward beamed proudly at Oswald and Isabella. However, there wasn’t much time to celebrate because Galavan pushed the bench off of him with a yell. He stood up and rushed towards the altar.

Edward cracked the whip, but Galavan put up an arm and the weapon coiled around it, doing little damage. Galavan yanked his arm back and pulled the whip away with it. Then he kicked a startled Edward in the chest and towered over him. Snarling, he raised his large dagger and plunged downward.

Seeing his life flash before him, Edward screwed his eyes shut. There was a sickening squelch as the knife tore into flesh. Yet Edward felt no pain. He slowly opened his eyes to see Galavan standing over him, but he also saw someone else.

Oswald stood toe to toe with Galavan. The dagger was lodged in his stomach, but it didn’t seem to bother him at all. With little emotion, other than rage, Oswald grabbed the handle and pulled it out. He turned the weapon on his murderer.

The villain raised his hands in defeat. “Touché, my dear.”

Oswald growled. “Get. Out.”

“Oh, I’m leaving.” Galavan chuckled as he stepped around Oswald, heading for a side door. Then he suddenly stopped at the altar, swiping up the chalice and turning to his ex-fiance with a mocking tone. “But first, a toast! To Oswald...always the groomsman, never the groom. Tell me my dear, can a heart still break once it’s  _ stopped beating _ ?”

The silence that followed was deafening. Galavan smiled cruelly and Edward could see a crack in Oswald’s composure. Those words dealt far more damage than any dagger.

The first sound came from Zsasz who leapt up onto a pew and started firing from two pistols at Galavan’s head. The gunshots rang out, but when they died away there was no damage done. Zsasz started to reload when Strange stopped him.

“We are amongst the living you trigger-happy nitwit. We must abide by  _ their _ rules, and one of those is that we can’t harm them in any way.” Even Strange, who remained neutral through almost anything, glared at Galavan. “No matter how much they deserve it.”

Galavan raised the chalice with confidence from his new found immunity. “Well said.”

He downed the glass and threw it at Oswald’s feet. Then he stalked towards the side exit with his head held high. He was just reaching for the handle when he gasped. He braced himself on the wall with one hand and clutched his chest with the other. He coughed and wheezed until there was no sound at all.

Zsasz nudged Strange. “How about now?”

Galavan whipped around so everyone could see his deathly pale face. “W-What...what have you done to me?”

Strange looked at Zsasz and all the others, and shrugged. “Have at it, he’s all yours.”

The army of the undead all started marching forward with malicious intent. If Galavan wasn’t already dead, the color would’ve drained from his face. He struggled with the door, but managed to throw it open and run. The corpses and skeletons chased after him, and the last one through, Olga, shut the door with a menacing. “New arrival…”


	6. Finale

Once the army of the undead left to seek revenge, only a few people remained in the chapel. Oswald let the dagger fall onto the floor, and then dropped himself to sit beside it. Edward started to take a step towards him, but he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and was greeted by a hug from Isabella.

“Oh Edward, I never thought I’d see you again.” She gave him another tight squeeze before letting go. “And I ought to thank you for saving my life.”

“O-Oh, it was nothing.”

“Nothing? Edward you stood up to a murderer for me! There’s no way I can thank you enough. You or your husband.”

Edward glanced over at Oswald, who was now surrounded by his parents. “I think he’s still technically my fiance. Although, now that you’re no longer married, would you revert back to my fiance too?”

Isabella put a finger on her chin. “Huh. I guess I don’t know anymore. Engaged, not engaged, married, widowed...everything’s happened so quickly. I’m just glad I’m not married to that Lord Galavan anymore, thank goodness for ‘til death do you part’, am I right?”

“Heh...yeah.” Edward looked at Oswald again.

Isabella covered her mouth. “Oh, I uh...I meant no offense.”

Edward chuckled. “None taken.”

The ex-fiances shifted back and forth. Then Isabella bit her lip. “E-Edward...do you, do you want to marry Oswald?”

“What?” He was a little taken aback by the question.

“Well it’s just…I only ask because it’ll affect my next question.”

“W-What’s your next question?”

She looked down at her feet. “Well...with Galavan gone, and leaving no money behind I…”

“Oh.” Edward looked down too. “I...I suppose your parents will try to marry you off again.”

“Yeah.”

They were both quiet for a moment, and then Edward straightened up. “Well...I couldn’t leave a friend in need, I can do it.”

“Oh Edward, you don’t have to! You’ve already saved me from Galavan.”

“And who's to say there won’t be another Theo Galavan out there? Isabella, I can’t have you be put in potential danger again when I know there’s something I could’ve done.”

“B-But what about Oswald?”

Edward twisted the ring around his finger. “I...I was engaged to you first, and...I-I’m sure he’ll understand. If anyone really could, it’d be him.”

She hugged him gently. “I truly can’t thank you enough, for everything. I’m really sorry it had to come to this, but I promise I’ll try to repay you however I can.”

He patted her back and then he excused himself to discuss the plan with Oswald.

In the time he was talking to Isabella, Gertrud and Elijah had pulled Oswald up and into a hug, chittering and mumbling mushy gushy affections. They parted when Edward approached. He looked at Oswald.

“C-Can I have a moment?”

Oswald gave his parents another quick hug and then shooed them away. He met Edward’s eyes. “Yes?”

Edward swallowed, trying to think how he could possibly say what was coming next. “Um...how are you?”

Oswald scoffed. “Well, my murderer is finally brought to justice, so I’d say I’m feeling pretty good. How about you? You’re the one that challenged him to a duel.”

“I-I’m fine. Thankful you were there to save me.”

“Eh, I’m already dead, it was nothing.”

They laughed and then Edward shuffled his feet. “Anyway...I...I know I made a promise to you, but…”

He really didn’t know how he was going to say the rest. He certainly didn’t want to say it. However, Oswald was the one to speak next, with a gentle tone.

“I understand. And any promise you made has been fulfilled ten-fold Edward, you helped me get revenge. So...now I can help you.” Oswald took off his ring and put it in Edward’s hand. “Love is about sacrifice, about putting someone else’s happiness above your own, and...and I can’t have you throwing your life away when you have a chance for happiness right here.”

Edward opened his mouth a few times, but he couldn’t find any words. Only when Oswald started pushing him towards Isabella did he manage to blurt something out.

“O-Oswald, wait.” They stopped and faced each other, holding hands. “Oswald I...I want you to know the truth. I’m...I’m not doing this because I want to marry Isabella.”

Oswald’s eyes portrayed confusion, so Edward continued. “I...I think I love you too, and...and I would marry you if I could, but...Isabella needs me. If I don’t marry her, her family will force her to marry some else for money”

“Oh...i-is that why she married Galavan?”

“Yes, and it’s the reason we were engaged in the first place. The  _ only _ reason. If I don’t marry her, she’ll end up on the streets.”

Oswald was quiet, then he looked up to Edward with a wistful smile. “I understand, and...like I said, if you owed me anything, it’s been repaid.”

“Thank you Oswald.” Edward hesitated, but added. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Edward, and...I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

Edward planted a quick kiss on Oswald’s cheek, and then their hands slipped away. However, just as Edward turned around there was a loud shout of protest.

“What? No!” Gertrud, who was supposed to be off to the side, came rushing over. “What is this?”

Elijah came up after her. “Pumpkin please, we shouldn’t mess in their affairs.”

“Mess in their… Elijah! That’s a rule for petty arguments and things behind closed doors, not giving up on true love!” She turned back to the younger men. “You did just say you loved each other, yes?”

Edward and Oswald looked at each other. They blushed and mumbled. “Yes.”

“Well then you two should be together!”

Edward started. “Yes, but-”

“No buts! If you love each and want to get married, then you’re going to get married. And if what I heard is correct, and all that’s stopping you is your concern for Ms. Flynn’s financial situation...hell I’ll just give her money!” She waved at the widow across the room. “Oh miss Isabella! Could you come here, dear?”

Isabella walked over, looking between the group in confusion. “Um...yes?”

Oswald tried putting his hands in front of his mother. “Mother...mother please…”

Gertrud shooed him back. “No, no I’m solving this thing for you.” She then pointed at Isabella. “If I fund your family, you don’t have to get married do you?”

“I-I don’t believe so, I’d have no reason to get married.”

“Excellent, I’ll get in contact with your family tomorrow.”

Isabella’s jaw dropped. “Y-You’d do that?”

“Of course! What’s with you people? Why is this so hard to believe?” Gertrud threw up her hands. “My dead son returns from the grave to get married to his one true love, and then they’re going to break it off over something as mundane as money? I have  _ loads _ of money and not a lot of time left, I’m doing what any mother would do!”

She lowered her hands and took a breath. “So...are we all in agreement? I give Isabella money so she can do whatever, or marry whoever she wants in the future, and then you two lovebirds can get married right now.”

Isabella put a hand over her heart. “I-I...yes, I’m in total agreement.”

Edward turned to Oswald and smiled. He held up the ring. “I’m in agreement.”

Oswald looked like he was going to cry as he lifted his hand. “Me too.”

Gertrud clapped her hands. “Thank the lord! I’ll be right back with that doctor man, nobody do anything stupid to mess this up.”

Elijah followed after her. “It’s  _ professor _ , cupcake!”

The two grooms held hands, and Edward looked at Isabella. “Well...it seems like these events keep turning.”

She laughed. “I sure hope all weddings aren’t like this. Now, if you’ll excuse me a moment.” 

Oswald scoffed after she left. “I don’t know about her, so far this has been pretty on par for both my weddings.”

Edward nudged him. “Yeah, well I’m not going to kill you.”

“That’s true, I’m just going to kill you instead.” He started to laugh, but then his face dropped. “Oh my god...I’m going to kill you. E-Edward, I don’t-”

“Oswald…” he took Oswald’s hands, “we’ve been over this, and you’re not killing me. I’m making this choice, me and me alone. I love you, and if love is about sacrifice like you said, I’m still willing to sacrifice my life to be with you. I’d do anything for you.”

Oswald’s eyes filled with tears. “Edward…”

He threw his arms around Edward’s neck and hugged him tightly. They pulled back to look at each other, and just as they started to lean in...the doors to the church were thrown open for the second time that night. Gertrud came marching in, dragging Strange by the collar.

“I found him! Everyone still ready to do this?”

Edward and Oswald smiled at each other and nodded. Gertrud let Strange go and clapped her hands. “Wonderful! Alright...grooms, check, officiant, check, witnesses, check, flowers…”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Mother…”

“What? What? I just want everything to be perfect!” As she said it, she fussed with his suit.

“ _ Mother _ …”

“Fine, fine, fine!” She stepped back, but then leaned in to fix Edward’s hair. “There, I’m done, I’m done.”

She stayed true to her word and sat in the front pew with Elijah. Isabella gave Oswald and Edward a hug, and then she stood off to the side as their spur of the moment bridesmaid. With everyone in place, they all turned to Professor Strange behind the altar.

He looked over everyone and cleared his throat. “Ready? Alright. Let’s pick it up from the wine bit, shall we?”

The chalice had been reset, and the cork was popped off the poison. Edward picked up the cup and Oswald picked up the bottle. Oswald started to pour.

“Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.”

They looked in each other’s eyes. Edward smiled and tipped the goblet back. For poison it was surprisingly sweet. He swallowed, passing the point of no return. As he lowered the cup, Oswald’s face came into view. The face Edward got to see for the rest of eternity.

He set the chalice down and took Oswald’s hands, running his thumb over the ring. “With this ring, I ask you to be mine.”

Oswald did the same, playfully twisting Edward’s ring. “With this ring, I ask you to be mine.”

Professor Strange slammed his large book. “By the power vested in me by me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the corpse.”

Edward leaned in and gently placed his lips against Oswald’s. Their small crowd cheered. The kiss deepened and Edward wrapped his arms around Oswald. Swept up in the euphoria of it all, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. No, no he actually couldn’t breathe.

His grip on Oswald tightened. He broke their kiss and his mouth fell open, trying to gasp, but being unable to. Even though he had prepared himself mentally, his body was still trying to fight death; an uncontrollable panic set in. His scared eyes looked to Oswald.

Oswald reached up and put a bony hand on Edward’s face, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. “I’m here, Edward.”

Edward relaxed slightly, dying in the arms of his husband couldn’t be so bad. He felt his body giving out, his head slumping onto Oswald’s shoulder.

“I love you.” Oswald kissed his temple. “I’m here.”

Oswald repeated those two phrases over and over again as Edward’s eyes slowly closed. ‘I love you’ was the last thing he heard.

* * *

Edward’s eyes cracked open and then he blinked. It looked like he was still in the church, staring up at the vaulted ceilings. He felt a hand stroking his hair, and when he tilted his head back he saw Oswald smiling down at him.

Edward smiled back. “Oswald…”

Oswald bent over to kiss him. When he started to pull away, Edward put a hand on the back of Oswald’s head to bring him back. Time passed and they finally parted.

Edward murmured. “The best part about not needing air is that I can kiss you as long as I want.”

“Oh Edward…” Oswald giggled.

“I love you, Oswald.”

“I love you too.”

They kissed again, briefly. Then Edward sat up. Being dead wasn’t so bad, but he felt so stiff. He stretched out his fingers when he noticed they were tinged blue to match Oswald’s skin.

“That’s going to take some getting used to.”

“I think blue is a lovely shade on you.” Oswald pecked his cheek.

“And are you always this stiff?”

“No, it’s usually just at first.”

Edward flexed his fingers, and that’s when the shiny ring caught his eye. He stared at it and then looked at Oswald. He held up his hand.

“We’re married.”

Oswald laughed and lifted his own hand. “We’re married. My  _ husband _ .”

“Husband…” Edward laced their fingers together, “I’m ready to hear that for the rest of eternity.”

“Me too.”

They sat in blissful silence for a while, and then Oswald stood up. “So...are you feeling up to the reception?”

“There’s a reception?”

“Well we didn’t bring a giant cake up here for nothing!”

Oswald pulled Edward to his feet, and Edward stumbled a little. He chuckled and shook his legs out. “You know, I don’t recall Galavan having this much trouble walking when he died.”

“Probably because he’s been dead inside for years.”

“He also made a much bigger deal out of it, gasping and hacking...it was a lot less painful than I expected.”

“Well he also didn’t pass out.”

“I didn’t  _ pass out _ , I died.”

“Yeah, but you went pretty gently into that good night.”

“A-Are you...criticizing my death for being  _ too easy _ ?”

Oswald smiled and wrapped an arm around Edward’s waist as they headed out of the church. “All I’m saying is that  _ I _ drowned horribly,  _ my enemy _ choked on his own arrogance, I guess I was just expecting a little more gusto from my husband.”

“Well I’m sorry, I’ll try to die with some flair next time.”

Edward kissed his husband’s head and they stepped into the night. They paused to look at the moon, relishing and remembering how they met under its light. This time two butterflies fluttered in front of them, dipping and weaving around the other as they flew off. Edward pulled Oswald closer and used his thumb and forefinger to hold Oswald’s chin.

“I know I’ve already said it, but I love you.”

“Don’t ever stop saying it. I love you too.”

They leaned in for another sweet kiss, their cold lips moving with each other. Edward chuckled softly against Oswald’s skin. “So...does this count as necrophilia, or since we’re both dead…”

“Edward!” Oswald pushed him away, bashful.

They laughed and wrapped their arms around each other. Then, under the beautiful moon, two corpses in love shared a final kiss on their wedding night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the Corpse Bride and I love Nygmobs so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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